I dont usually do this but I wanted to share a Twitter conversation that I had yesterday. I hope you enjoy and especially if you are a fella I would love to hear your thoughts.
-
So not too long ago, this brother I knew told me I wasn’t the type of woman that men felt like they needed rescue. So of course, I’m like ?? -
(mind you he works in law enforcement) and proceeded to tell me because I have my ish together, I’m not about to be on the street, don’t
-
have any kids,and appear to be handling everything on my own – men will never feel like they need to rescue me.
-
In other words – there was no “visible struggle” as far as he could see. Of course this goes back to my post on the perils of strength.
-
So before I hung up on him, I, of course being me, gave him a few choice words to allow him to marinate on….
-
Most women out here are handling their business becuse they HAVE to. Not like there’s a choice.There is, but the streets are cold and shit.
-
So for a man to tell me I’m not the saving type, well then who is? I mean who doesn’t need to be loved, assisted, etc these days?
-
And better yet, if a woman is of the saving type is that the only qualification needed?
-
Because looka here, if I list what is really happening in this here world of mine? You’re either going to run or you’ll jump in and help.
-
That statement has stayed with me. More so because I see men around me “rescuing” women every day. And of course … me being me…
-
So – let me ask the brothers on my TL a question – what moves you to rescue/save/bail a woman out of a situation?
-
@fromraewithlove overdone fantasies and unchecked chivalry. It gotta have limits. Dudes out here playing Capt. Save ’em on assumptions. -
@fromraewithlove maybe, but moreso personal experiences. I was THE Capt. Save ’em. It took feeling like I was being used learn being the
-
@fromraewithlove knight in shining armor is not necessarily always good. A man can’t ascribe the traits of being a damsel in distress to
-
@fromraewithlove every woman. Doing so assumes that they are worthy of the benefits of being saved. Each man has to figure out which woman
-
@fromraewithlove is worth being saved. All should be treated with respect, yes. Each man has that one he is supposed to protect, save, etc.
-
@MadameMonarch *whispers* thank extreme feminism *ducks shots* it’s gonna sound crass, but the “independent woman” created that dynamic.
-
@MadameMonarch first figure out if they understand it. Then the “we’re here to help each other” convo. We need women, women need us. Period.
-
@DarrkGable @MadameMonarch I have the same issue. But the others? Well, look bruh I need your love and support. Do right by me. You know?
-
So check this – I am a woman, I am pro-women and pro women’s rights. But ummm, I still need a man. I am not of the school who is anti-man.
-
I am the woman who still believes in our men, loves hard and can defer and submit to the right one. Sue me.
-
And frankly, as the current head of my household, the job is open to be filled for the right man. I’m willing to assist and help all day.
-
Of course things have changed in today’s time, but I still believe there is a way for things to be done for the household.
-
And if you’re the right one? You are the head of the household, not me. Just know you have a help meet strong enough to actually help. Amen.
-
I am assertive and can def be a piece of work. So I want a man that can look at me, tell me to have a seat and pipe down – and I trust him.
-
So then I shut it, have a seat and pipe down – because well, I trust him – his actions, judgment, decisions.
-
Submission is not negative. If he’s not worthy of submitting to? Don’t marry him. You’ll be sorry. But if he is? Then well, you’re safe.
-
Not to mention, if you really study marriage, then we as women would gain more respect for what men are responsible for (Christians prespec)
-
I want a man stronger than me. My strength is not going to scare off the right one. And his strength can temper my need to be in control.
-
So all this stuff about not submitting? If you read abt it I guarantee it’ll change the way you date, look at men, etc.
-
So the throught of having to submit to certain men? Hell no. Never.But there are some? That a woman can trust to give this gift.
-
BTW, all of this is applied in terms of marriage. I may be a sinner but I know right from wrong. And as women we need to stop
-
submitting to men in month one or two and providing every marital benefit in the book. Trust me. I am guilty of this.
-
You need to have a heart that can be submissive and not combative. Something about you needs to show him you can submit.
-
But as for full submission before he’s ever worked for it, proven he deserves it, given you a ring, had some counseling? Nawl.
-
Submission is a gift. Once again, not for every man we date or fall for (being real here). It’s for the right man.
-
And I am sure I will be reamed for this whole submission thing. Fine. I’ll take that. But I believe in order.
-
I may act like a heathen from time to time (DJM) but ummm, there really is an order to things whether we like it or not.
-
So ladies, read about it. Men, read about it. Both sides need to understand what it really means before getting all murried and stuff.
-
Man – if you have a woman, a wife, submitting to you, then there is a major responsibility on your shoulders. I respect that.
-
In that submission, men have a HUGE accountability factor. So ladies, if you have a good man (husband)? Listen to him.
-
And ladies, if you can’t see yourself being able to follow this man, submit to him and trust his judgment? You’re in the wrong place.
-
I have often had to eval men in my life like this – like am I really going to let this man decide my life for me? Do I trust him?
-
If that’s a no – you need to run and have a seat somewhere safe. I’ve only met a few men in my time I would trust with my life.
-
And Lord knows I have chosen some bad ones to submit to and trust – too soon, too early, out of order and when they didn’t deserve it.
-
Now I’m just real with it. How would you expect a man to take care of you when he’s done nothing for you but waste your time?
-
BTW, him buying meals and little trinkets doesn’t indicate you should submit. Money is not an indicator of a would-be good husband.
-
Money is an indicator that he has money. (LOL). The question is, is he generous, patient and kind? Not, girl – he has a _____ and a _____
-
All that ___ and a ____ can be lost overnight. Figure out/watch/discern and listen for who you’re really dealing with less the bling
-
Wrapping up this little rant, I say all of this b/c I have made the mistake of giving that gift way too quickly. It’s still on the table.
-
But it has to be given to the right one. And ladies, if you aren’t aware of it, start reading.
-
That is if you’re Christian (hot, lukewarm or cold) and have a desire to be married, I rec Bunny Wilson’s “Liberated Through Submission”
-
I read that book some time ago (need to read it again) and it blew me away. I def need to re-read that thing. All her books are good.
-
So yes, I am a sinner heathen and that has everything to do with this here path I’m on. I may be lukewarm some days, but I love the Lord.
Now that you’ve read what do you think? Have you experienced this? Are you a Capt’n Save Em? Are you a damsel in distress or too well taken care of to be rescued?
Oh and dont forget to show them so love on their blogs at fromraewithlove.com and GLiP Post.
A Black Girl's Blues 