Black Girls be Considering the Women Who Sleep

This morning I woke up and rolled over, wishing I was finding some attractive, ambitious, loving and trustworthy man laying next to me. But alas… So I went through my morning ritual; thanked God for waking me up and allowing me to see another day, checked my email, checked Facebook and checked Twitter.  And when I checked Twitter, I saw tweets about yet another ignorant comment that Todd Akin made.

You know, Todd Akin, the one that said the doctors are performing abortions on women that arent pregnant, not paying women equal to men is a matter of freedom and everyone’s all time favorite, that women dont get pregnant from legitimate rape.

My sentiments exactly Prince, my sentiments exactly.

But what really gets my head a-scratchin is the women that marry, love and, I assume, sleep with the men like Todd Akin;  Men that seem to think that women only have sex to procreate,who dont need equal pay because their manly man comes home every night from the office and brings home the bacon and that feminism is just another noisy women’s social club.

I do not expect to find and marry the perfect man but I do expect him to be a critical thinker and able to process logical thought.  In other words, he needs to act like he got some DAMN SENSE!

Another example is Mike McQueary, former assistant football coach that walked in on Sandusky raping a young boy in the shower.  I wouldnt be able to have a restful night’s rest laying next to him because I wouldnt trust him.  Any man that can walk in to a room and see a man raping someone and not do anything to stop them, would do absolutely ANYTHING if the time and/or money was right.  There is no way I could live like that, constantly looking over my shoulder because I dont think he would have my back if ish got real. Nah, Im good.

So that leaves me wondering, who are these women that sleep?  Women that can close their eyes and drift off to dreamland while laying beside an Akin or a McQueary?  This is totally different from sociopaths who hide their true natures and their mates dont know what hit them until he’s standing over them with a butcher knife. No. These are men who’s actions or words are open, well documented and they are, at the least, rationalized and, at the most,  proud of.

Are there really people that are so naive that they believe that their spouses are correct? Or are they selfish enough to believe that it doesnt matter as long as it doesnt affect them and their family? Or maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe its just about ignorance.

Ann Madoff, Bernie Madoff of the Madoff ponzi scheme that lost investors approximately $18 billion dollars, maintains that she didnt know anything about the scheme until her husband told her at the end.  Now I dont know if thats the truth or if she’s just saying that because her stylist told her she wont look good in stripes, but for argument’s sake let’s take her word for it.  What kind of marriage allows one to live lavishly for decades, raise children, go on family vacations and never sit down and really talk about the business?

Maybe I’m naive.  Maybe I expect marriage to be a true partnership.  Maybe because my parents didnt have much money to talk about & they knew the conversations could be short, even if they werent always sweet, they went ahead and let it all out.  Maybe the novel idea of financial transparency in a marriage is a fallacy created by Suze Orman and Oprah. Maybe.

But I hope that when I am blessed with my Future Husband that we are able to communicate.  Because its not just about the money, its about the relationship.  I want my husband to respect me enough to come to me as one of his most trusted advisers, so that I can point out the holes in his theory and we can work to make it stronger.  I want to be able to sit down with our bank statements and know how money is coming in and where money is going out.  And I want to be able to go into any situation with him and feel absolutely safe because he is there and I know he would give his life to protect me.  I want us to have that level of trust.  I wont be able to survive in the relationship any other way.

I dont know how some women do it.  How does one ever rest? And if they are able to sleep, what kind of person do they see in the morning when they wake up?


Black Girls Be Thinking About Exceptionalism AKA Just Another Post About Gabby Douglas

I can admit I am not very athletic I am anti-athletic.  I can dance my tail off and I gots all the rhythm but once you turn the music off and put a ball in my hand or put me on any type of court, I lose every single ounce of coordination.  And it doesnt help that I am competitive so even when I play someone that obviously has more technical skills than I do, I get frustrated because Im losing.  Because I have more heart! I want it badder than they do! But that’s not the point of this post…

I love to watch the Olympics.  It amazes me what the human body can do.  I am amazed at the women’s bodies, especially the track runners (How many hills would I have to run to get a track booty? This is a serious question) and the menz is just pretty to look at.  And the individual stories always inspire me.

I think it goes without saying that Gabby Douglas became America’s sweetheart during the Olympics.  Her inviting smile, welcoming charm, and limitless grace only magnify her athleticism.  She seems so grounded and mature.  And her story of triumph and sacrifice is universal.  Oh yeah, and she’s a Black Girl.

I am a Black Girl. I will give you a moment to recover from your disbelief…yeah, I know… ok… you good….Moving on. As a Black Girl I am particularly moved by the successes of other Black Girls.  But every once in while I have to stop and think, hmmmm, what will it be like when it is so common to see a Black Girl succeed that it doesnt even cause a ripple.  No one blinks an eye or thinks twice.

It makes me wonder how my grandparents feel. Going from sharecroppers and nannies to having kids with Master’s degrees and high Naval ranks.  And their grandkids with their college degrees, high paying jobs and traveling all over the world.  When I am a grandmother will I watch the Olympics with my grandchildren and marvel at all of the colored faces while they dont even notice them?

And if black achievement is no longer deemed exceptional than will Black failure no longer feel like a blight against every Black person?  Will there ever be a day when Black girls and Black boys can live their lives without feeling like they are carrying the weight of their people?  Will we ever be able to just be?

I hope that day comes and I hope I am alive to see it.  But when it does come, like a playful memory of a virginity long lost, we will never forget our first. Barack, Michelle, Oprah, Toni, and now little Golden Gabby. But I hope we dont have firsts for much longer.