Black Girls Be Feeling Some Kinda Way: Fireman Sam

Ok so in a recent post I briefly mentioned that I sorta kinda not really may have a teensy weensy bit of feelings about this guy that I met online that I donned Fireman Sam (If you are a Black Girl Blue vet you know how I like to nickname my “potentials” even though none of them have lasted past two posts. Hmmmm I need to reflect on some thangs.) Anyway, well in this new found venture of “learning how to date” I have been trying to play “THE GAME.”  You know, dont kiss on the first date, wait 3 days to call, let the man make the first move… blah, blah, blah.  I dont necessarily prescribe to any of these “rules’ as the recipe for success.  In fact, I find them quite patriarchal but I am trying something new because most of my past relationships have gone something like this:

I like you. Do you like me? No? Ok. Moving on

OR

I like you. Do you like me? Yes? Let’s be together. You’re not ready for that? Ok Moving on.

OR

I like you. Do you like me? Yes? Let’s be together. Ok? Ok.

This has my modus operandi.  Why you ask. Great question! Because I am assertive, strong-willed, determined and when I see something that I want I go after it. Period.  And it doesnt help that even though I stand at a self-proclaimed 5’2″ in my mind I am a 6’5″ 280lb big black man with like a 13’… well you get the picture. I am a big person with a big personality that doesnt understand no and thinks its a sin to miss an opportunity.  This has done wonders for my professional life! But my personal one, eh, not so much.

So back to Fireman Sam.  I haven’t really been cataloging my online dating woes but since I havent come up here slinging flowers and quoting Stevie Wonder lyrics its pretty safe to assume that I havent found THE ONE.  I’ve gone a few dates but I havent felt that thing with anyone yet.

Then I went out with Fireman Sam.  We met at a little restaurant/bar near downtown and ate and drank a lil and talked for hours without it feeling like hours.  I was smiling and he was smiling and we were smiling and it felt nice.  Shoot, it felt nice to feel something.  We got ice cream cones and I even went to his apartment.

Now lets stop right there for a moment.  I know it is not the smartest thing to do on a first date.  But I think I am a pretty decent judge of character and I am very aware of my surroundings.  But Im sure women who have been chopped up in little pieces thought the same things. *Le sigh* Ok guys, I wont do that again. Scouts honor!

So we are at his apartment that was admittedly VERY bachelory. (Bachelory- full of character, see also messy) We started watching Kill Bill and switched to Deathproof and at midnight he sang Happy Birthday to me and we took a shot.  I was cuddled in his arms and he kissed my forehead and rubbed my cheek and it was so very… nice.  But I’m a “good girl” so I left before my night time nature took hold.  And yes, I floated home.  The next night I spent a few late night hours with him and again his energy was great.  And at the end of the night he kissed me.  I wont say that fireworks went off or anything but there was definitely a spark.

So the next day I decide not to call or text him to see if he would contact me.  He didnt. I let the entire day pass, which is big for me. The following day I text him and the conversation is lackluster.  Later that night I was out with my family at the Durham Bulls game and he texts me… Im gonna let you see it for yourself.

Ummm….. what?

To which I responded, “No. I don’t. But I respect your honesty. It was fun nevertheless.” And all his 29-year-old wisdom and maturity he ended the conversation with “;,)” Is that a cry face? Are you 14? Is this real life?

IS THIS REAL LIFE?

So I did what any warm blooded American woman would do in this situation, I screenshot the conversation and sent it to my two best girl friends.  After we laughed at the audacity of it all, I searched them for answers and I searched myself.  I am glad that he told me within a week what his intentions were.  It saved me a whole lot of time, energy, heart-space and gas (and we all know gas aint cheap).  I am also proud that I stuck to my guns and my morals when I was with him.  My actions and energy made it clear that I was not easy conquest and would not be satisfied as another notch in his bedpost nor as just another woman holding his fire hose. (See what I did there? There may be some more bad fireman puns coming your way. You have been warned.)

But I must admit that I was a little hurt, a little disappointed. I actually felt something with him, and I havent felt anything for anyone, especially anyone knew in at least a year and a half.  I miss the feeling.

But all in all I m glad that everything went the way it did because if he had waited a couple months or a year and THEN told me he was a manwhore I would have had to set his house on fire, while he was at work. LOL I kid. But can you imagine being a firefighter and getting a call and its to your address? Awkwarddd! Nevertheless, I hope he is keeping his pole clean cuz there’s no telling how many people have slid down it.

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Black Girls Be Thinking About Exceptionalism AKA Just Another Post About Gabby Douglas

I can admit I am not very athletic I am anti-athletic.  I can dance my tail off and I gots all the rhythm but once you turn the music off and put a ball in my hand or put me on any type of court, I lose every single ounce of coordination.  And it doesnt help that I am competitive so even when I play someone that obviously has more technical skills than I do, I get frustrated because Im losing.  Because I have more heart! I want it badder than they do! But that’s not the point of this post…

I love to watch the Olympics.  It amazes me what the human body can do.  I am amazed at the women’s bodies, especially the track runners (How many hills would I have to run to get a track booty? This is a serious question) and the menz is just pretty to look at.  And the individual stories always inspire me.

I think it goes without saying that Gabby Douglas became America’s sweetheart during the Olympics.  Her inviting smile, welcoming charm, and limitless grace only magnify her athleticism.  She seems so grounded and mature.  And her story of triumph and sacrifice is universal.  Oh yeah, and she’s a Black Girl.

I am a Black Girl. I will give you a moment to recover from your disbelief…yeah, I know… ok… you good….Moving on. As a Black Girl I am particularly moved by the successes of other Black Girls.  But every once in while I have to stop and think, hmmmm, what will it be like when it is so common to see a Black Girl succeed that it doesnt even cause a ripple.  No one blinks an eye or thinks twice.

It makes me wonder how my grandparents feel. Going from sharecroppers and nannies to having kids with Master’s degrees and high Naval ranks.  And their grandkids with their college degrees, high paying jobs and traveling all over the world.  When I am a grandmother will I watch the Olympics with my grandchildren and marvel at all of the colored faces while they dont even notice them?

And if black achievement is no longer deemed exceptional than will Black failure no longer feel like a blight against every Black person?  Will there ever be a day when Black girls and Black boys can live their lives without feeling like they are carrying the weight of their people?  Will we ever be able to just be?

I hope that day comes and I hope I am alive to see it.  But when it does come, like a playful memory of a virginity long lost, we will never forget our first. Barack, Michelle, Oprah, Toni, and now little Golden Gabby. But I hope we dont have firsts for much longer.

Black Girls be Blessed

So today I called a cab today and I got a Hispanic man. We begin to talk and he’s saying how nice a day it is (it is a beautiful day) and the conversation is going smoothly and then he asks me if I’m married…

Now let’s pause there. Because I am the daughter of a NYPD detective I always peep my surroundings.  I noticed the silver wedding band he had on so I hoped that he wasnt trying to hit on me.

But I told him No and he asked why. I said I dont know. Because who really knows why they arent married. If I Google “Black girl single” right now there will be a million articles from a million “experts” pontificating on this phenomenon.  But ultimately it boils down to not finding the right person yet.  And I just graduated from college. Whatever that means.

He asked me if I attended a church to which I said yes even though I have my problems with “church”.  He turned around, grabbed my hand, looked me in the eyes and said, “God will send you a good person.  God will bless you.  Find someone that loves God and he will love you. But if he doesn’t love God he wont love you.”

And in that moment I felt a sense of peace and reassurance that I havent felt in a very long time.  It was so genuine and spiritual.  I really felt God in that moment.

I thanked and blessed him and I’ve felt glowy all day.

So thank you Jose.