Black Girls Be Having Baby Brothers That Aren’t Babies No More

Ok so remember on February when I rushed a post out at 11:59pm and said that I would do one post a day for every day of Black History Month and then didnt post again until the 4th? Yeah well, see what had happened was…  No but seriously my internet at the house has been on habitual can’t get right so I’ve been struggling! And using up WAY too much data on my cell phone.

But because I promised a post for every day this month Imma pay what I owe.  So this is what I would have posted on February 2nd…

Happy Black Groundhog Superbowl Eve Day!! WHOO HOOO!!!! Did the groundhog score a touchdown while singing Wade in the Water?!? No?? Oh.  This aint no fun then. LOL I hope this post finds you very well.  Black girls be happy-sad today. Sappy. Had. Because today is the Blue Black Girl’s brother’s 14th birthday! Yes! 14! I just… Can hardly stand it.  My baby is tryna grow up and I am not ready.

I am so proud of the man that he is becoming.  Our 9 and a half year age difference makes me treat him like a son sometimes but the older he gets the more and more I look to him as a friend.  I genuinely enjoy his company and I marvel at how his brain works.  He is a voracious reader, loves Greek mythology and wants to be a chef.  He is sarcastic, smart, articulate, inquisitive, intuitive, empathetic almost to a fault and so gentle.

When I look at him I am reminded of the privilege of gentleness that so many Black men are not afforded.  He is still very affectionate and showers us with I Love Yous.  He relishes in the company of animals and small children and has no problem talking about how a movie, song or event made him feel.  He hasnt been taught that feelings are a sign of weakness and I hope he never does.

My little brother represents the future of Black masculinity.  A masculinity that is not defined by extremes or bravado.  A masculinity that  is not black and white but exists in the beauty of grey.  A masculinity that does not exclude the feminine, doesn’t merely include it but wide open arm embraces it.

I feel so blessed to watch his transformation from child to man. I pray a special prayer for him and my other brother, and all the young Black men. A prayer of safety in a world that has a bounty on their head and a dagger at their back.  I pray the renewing of their minds, the openness of their hearts and the flight of their spirits.

Happy Birthday my love and many many many more.

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Black Girls be Articulating their Pain

Today I tweeted, “Someone I love is turning into someone I dont like and its breaking my heart.”  I didnt say anything else about it, just left it at that. But there is so much more to it.

There is a man that I love. Would lay my life down for without a second thought.  I’ve watched him grow and turn into this man that has so much promise and I would do anything to help him prosper.  And he is breaking my heart. And he doesnt even know it.  Because he hates himself and if he hates himself than it must mean that he hates me because he and me are one. Because he’s my brother.

I dont know when it happened or what caused it.  All I know is that somewhere along the way someone told him or he convinced himself that Black is not beautiful and the closer to whiteness the better.  He’s dating a lovely white girl and Im glad he’s found someone to love and that loves him in return is awesome but that doesnt replace his love for his own Black self.

I think what hurts me the most is all the unsaid things.  He only compliments white women on their looks, their hair.  He only calls little White children cute.  If we go somewhere and there are a lot of white people there, he immediately assumes it is nice and acts appropriately.  We waited for him to put the tree topper on the tree and he even complained that there wasnt a White angel!  So if White is right and beautiful doesnt that make this lil Black girl ugly and wrong?

I dont know what to do about it but it concerns me because even if he has children with a woman that is clear as glass, his children will still be Black and they will be treated as such.  I dont want him to propel his hate unto others.  Nor will I allow him to make me feel less than, no matter who he is.

Maybe its a stage and he will grow out of it. I really hope he matures and sees the error of his ways and finds that love that he so desperately needs. Until then I have to find a way to marry my disgust and my devotion, my love and my loathing.