Black Girls be Gettin By Wit a Lil Help From Their Friends

I’m sleepy and it’s way past my bedtime but I amgoing to blog every day this month!

So I just want to take a quick minute and say how grateful I am for the people in my life. We have an obsession with titles and labels. Black, white, old, young, friend, lover. But the reality is that none of these things matter. The truth is that all of these labels that we stick on people so that we can feel more comfortable in our carefully categorized life are lies. I am blessed to say that I have people in my life who have performed above and beyond the role I have assigned them in my life. My closest friends are my sisters. I have no choice but to love them and when I am angry with them I know that it is from a place of love. They make me a better person. I have had male friends who have been lovers who have taught me more about genuine relationships than a “boyfriend” ever has.
I had the opportunity to spend some time with a friend like that this evening (which is why I am up at 2:30 blogging). We laugh, we joke, we tease, we question but most of all we care. And not in a superficial what can your success do for me kind of way but in a very real I want the absolute best for you kinda way. I am a better Me when I am around him because I’m not trying to be something or do something or prove something. I just am. And I wouldn’t trade our intimacy for anything.

There are so many other examples I could mention but it’s too late, I’m too tired & it would take too long. Just know that I am immeasurably blessed and I thank God for each and every person He has placed in my life. Even you.


Black Girls be Celibate… And it’s ok

I’m tired but I am really trying to do the #30in30 blog challenge & blog every day this month.

I finished The Shack today. And I will write about it soon but I need to digest it all into my heart. It was so deep.

But something else happened today. I gave the guy I asked free reign to ask me anything he wanted to. So he asked me what my favorite position was. I played innocent and said favorite position in what? He replied Sex.

I knew what he was talking about and I knew the answer but I didnt answer. I didn’t answer because of all the things that an answer would imply. Answering that question would imply that I was comfortable enough with him to give him details that even some of my intimate partners didn’t know. Giving him that information would give him premature access into a club that I’m not sure if he’s worthy to join. Plait stated, if he’s meant to know he’ll know.

I felt that I made the right choice & felt just in that moment. But I also felt like he deserved the truth. We have been talking for a few weeks and though we mention sex in jest I haven’t told him the truth. So I told him that I’m not interested in having sex with anyone for a while. And even that is a half truth. I really don’t want to have sex until I’m married.

So I told him this. And said that if he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore I’d understand. I wanted to give the young man an out. Just because I’ve made this choice does not mean I expect all people to do the same. Everything ain’t for everybody. To be honest I don’t even know if it’s for me. But I’m praying on it and asking God to speak to my heart & calm my nature.

And even though it wasn’t a huge gesture and we shall see if his actions match, this young man said something that made me look at him & me & God in a different light. He said, “This doesn’t change anything.” I swooned. I’ll admit it. I tried to maintain my composure but I couldn’t stop smiling.

I don’t know what will happen between this young man and I but I respect him and appreciate him respecting me. And I thank God for reminding me that a true love will not love me for what I do but who I am. And I want to encourage myself to remain on this path of celibacy. Even when it gets hard. Or soft. Or cold and lonely. It will be worth it.

Black Girls Be Sad

Today was Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day or National Same-Sex Kissing in Chick-Fil-A Day or Wednesday, however you want to look at it. Today as I walked to collect the mail from the post office, the streets of downtown Raleigh were blocked off to ensure the safety of one very important woman, Mrs. Michelle Obama. And that fact made this normally Blue Black Girl a Proud Black Girl.

Nevertheless, here was this woman who had the power to stop traffic, literally, & not because she had a little something something to her backside & was pedestrian eye candy. No. This Black woman is getting police escort & blockades as she travels, supporting her Black husband in his attempt to be re-elected as the President of this country. I went back to my office thinking one day I will meet here & we will be friends. Ok maybe that’s a little fantastic but a Black Girl can dream right?

So I get home & I see this:


And all that sweet dark chocolate love I had in my heart melted in my hand & not in my mouth. I just wanted to quit. Wanted to zip out of my skin like the slave workers in The Wiz and walk away. But for why?

There are so many things wrong. First of all, Chick-Fil-A is still fast food and is not good for you by any means. So for a community that is plagued with high blood pressure & high cholesterol to wave their fried food flag is just…

Second, Black folks should be the last ones to discriminate against another group. How short is our memory? How quick we’ve forgotten! Maybe we need to look at that firehose picture again or maybe we should all get bitten by an attack dog so we’ll have a point of reference. But that was us not even 50 years ago. So how dare… Ugh…

But this is my biggest problem, they are holding up their politically poly saturated sandwich in a sanctuary. Of a church. Which is supposed to be the house of God….

As a Black woman I have always struggled with being a Christian & knowing that I practice a religion that was forced on my ancestors. Every February I would ask my mother Why? How? But I never got an answer. In the last year I have rekindled my relationship with God & this is what I learned. God is Love. God is everywhere that love abounds & resides in everyone that lives in Love. It’s simple. And as a child of God I have the simple yet sometimes difficult task of finding the God in the people I meet & loving it fiercely. There are no exceptions & no buts. God sent his Son to give us one decree, “Love one another.” He did not say Love one Another except the gays or Love one another accept the illegal immigrants. No he stated it plainly, completely & did not leave anything or anyone out. And then He died for it, so we knew it was real.

I really don’t know what to do or say or feel from here, so I write. I really am the Blue Black Girl with a heavy heart. And I’m disappointed. So disappointed. We should know better. And as Dr. Angelou says, “When you know better you do better.” All I know is love so that is what I must do.

Black Girls be Crushing

Ok so Im about to tell yall something that I havent told anyone other than my mama and my two best friends… and 2 coworkers… and ALL MY TWITTER FOLLOWERS!!! Ok I have told anyone who will listen. Maybe I subliminally want the word to get out.  But I have a crush and I feel like a 12 year old girl with a playground crush. Got me wanting to send a note like:

But Im “grown” now cant be doing that right? Right!!?!?

No really thats a serious question. #PleaseRespond Seriously.

He’s a really nice church-goin, God-lovin Brother. Dark skinned with a nice smile and dimples. DIMPLES!!!

Lets pause for a moment as I talk about the power of a well placed set of dimples.  Dimples are the work of the devil.  A man with dimples can smile and get away with anything.  A man with a dimple can go out and tie up 2 baby kittens and 3 baby koalas in a burlap sack and toss them into a lion’s den while singing the Barney song and all he has to do is smile and all is forgiven.  Exhibit #1:

No I do not know this man. If I did do you think I’d be blogging right now? Didnt think so!

I rest my case.  But I digress…

My object of crushingdom is just really nice and he’s my type and he’s been paying me just enough attention to make me wonder if he’s interested in me but not enough for me to feel comfortable being forward.  For instance, he found me on Facebook. Thats 1. Then he asked me about my sorority (Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, IIIIINNNNNNCorporated :-)). Which means he was checking said Facebook page. That should count for about 3 points right?  But because I over think things and have a VERY active imagination I could be making all this up and he’s just being nice to a fellow child of God.  But mama noticed it too… and my mama dont lie.  You see I have a history of making the first move as soon as someone pays me a little attention. Im impatient. I can admit that. But Im at a place in my life where I want a confident man that wants me enough to put himself out there. So I wait….

But until then I will be just another Black girl crushin and blushin…


Update: Clearly when Black Girls blush & crush that leaves no time to proofread.  Please excuse those typos.  And last night thanks to my good friend Malibu Rum I sent him a Facebook message. It was light but still I gave in.  What can I say, Black Girls be impatient yo… 🙂

Black Girls be Blessed

So today I called a cab today and I got a Hispanic man. We begin to talk and he’s saying how nice a day it is (it is a beautiful day) and the conversation is going smoothly and then he asks me if I’m married…

Now let’s pause there. Because I am the daughter of a NYPD detective I always peep my surroundings.  I noticed the silver wedding band he had on so I hoped that he wasnt trying to hit on me.

But I told him No and he asked why. I said I dont know. Because who really knows why they arent married. If I Google “Black girl single” right now there will be a million articles from a million “experts” pontificating on this phenomenon.  But ultimately it boils down to not finding the right person yet.  And I just graduated from college. Whatever that means.

He asked me if I attended a church to which I said yes even though I have my problems with “church”.  He turned around, grabbed my hand, looked me in the eyes and said, “God will send you a good person.  God will bless you.  Find someone that loves God and he will love you. But if he doesn’t love God he wont love you.”

And in that moment I felt a sense of peace and reassurance that I havent felt in a very long time.  It was so genuine and spiritual.  I really felt God in that moment.

I thanked and blessed him and I’ve felt glowy all day.

So thank you Jose.