So… confession to you all. My last post Black Girls Be Writing: Handle With Care was not just a tender little holiday story, it was me playing out an idea I had about a very real situation in my life. Yeah, surprise surprise. I wrote that early this morning as I tried to finally decide if I would send my ex a seemingly innocuous gift for Christmas. I sent it to my homegirls and posted it here, still trying to make a decision. And as soon as I released it into the digital world the answer was clear as day. No. I will not. Final answer.
The simple fact that I am creating phony fan fiction for my own life and asking others what I should do is a clear indication that I should do nothing. Just hold my peace. Its time for me to come to grips that he has made up his mind and stop giving him opportunities to change it. Opportunities that he doesnt care to take advantage of. He told me himself that he doesnt deserve me. Its time for me to trust that he knows what he’s talking about.
Today, Thursday, December 20th, I am going to trust that what is mine is mine. That someone will love me in the present and on purpose. That they will not skip in and out of my life when it suits them nor will they let me walk out of their life without a fight. They will have what I need and be ready to give it.