Black Girls be Celibate… And it’s ok

I’m tired but I am really trying to do the #30in30 blog challenge & blog every day this month.

I finished The Shack today. And I will write about it soon but I need to digest it all into my heart. It was so deep.

But something else happened today. I gave the guy I asked free reign to ask me anything he wanted to. So he asked me what my favorite position was. I played innocent and said favorite position in what? He replied Sex.

I knew what he was talking about and I knew the answer but I didnt answer. I didn’t answer because of all the things that an answer would imply. Answering that question would imply that I was comfortable enough with him to give him details that even some of my intimate partners didn’t know. Giving him that information would give him premature access into a club that I’m not sure if he’s worthy to join. Plait stated, if he’s meant to know he’ll know.

I felt that I made the right choice & felt just in that moment. But I also felt like he deserved the truth. We have been talking for a few weeks and though we mention sex in jest I haven’t told him the truth. So I told him that I’m not interested in having sex with anyone for a while. And even that is a half truth. I really don’t want to have sex until I’m married.

So I told him this. And said that if he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore I’d understand. I wanted to give the young man an out. Just because I’ve made this choice does not mean I expect all people to do the same. Everything ain’t for everybody. To be honest I don’t even know if it’s for me. But I’m praying on it and asking God to speak to my heart & calm my nature.

And even though it wasn’t a huge gesture and we shall see if his actions match, this young man said something that made me look at him & me & God in a different light. He said, “This doesn’t change anything.” I swooned. I’ll admit it. I tried to maintain my composure but I couldn’t stop smiling.

I don’t know what will happen between this young man and I but I respect him and appreciate him respecting me. And I thank God for reminding me that a true love will not love me for what I do but who I am. And I want to encourage myself to remain on this path of celibacy. Even when it gets hard. Or soft. Or cold and lonely. It will be worth it.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Black Girls be Celibate… And it’s ok

  1. 7 months! (which isn’t the longest time but I’m proud). I pray his actions match with his words. Either way..YOU can do it! My issue has always involved keeping myself out of circumstances that easily could lead to it. Alright lol..Im done putting my business on the net lmbo .

    • Puddin I appreciate your honesty. This whole blog is me puttin it all out there lol. Its been 4 months and it ain’t easy. I repeat IT AINT EASY! My hardest battle is the purity of my mind. I get myself in a tizzy before a man is even involved. Ha! But yeah I hope his actions match as well.

What's your blues?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s